X
This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. By continuing to use this website, you consent to our use of these cookies.
Community Life
Leading for the Common Good

The Lighter Side of College Admission Predictions

The start of a new decade offers the chance to guess what our world will be like in ten years. In a recent piece, I shared thoughts from college admission leaders about their predictions for the future of applying to college. Many of those predictions were fairly technical, dealing with the massive financial challenges facing colleges, as well as the counterintuitive results of the Justice Department’s suit against the National Association for College Admission Counseling (NACAC). As I collected their wisdom, what occurred to me is that we also need levity as we consider the years ahead. As such, I offer a lighter take, one that is more aligned with how people outside the profession look at college admission and what might be coming.  

You will know it is the year 2030 when:

In place of an application, a virtual reality Hunger Games simulator allows students to battle each other for a coveted spot at an elite university.

At last, a college achieves a 0% admit rate (and not because it is going under).
The first-ever Secondary School Report lists a student as last in their class. And to add insult to injury, the student is being homeschooled.

Advances in mobile brain scanning technology enable college admission offices to track how often a student thinks about their college, therefore allowing finer discernment of Demonstrated Interest.

Thanks to the repercussions of the Department of Justice’s lawsuit, application incentives spin out of control with guaranteed free room service, personal scribes and 24/7 access to professors. The only catch is that students must commit to an Early Decision application in the spring of their 9th-grade year.

Lori Loughlin and Felicity Huffman partner together to form their own admission consulting business called Ethical Equity Mothers’ College Counseling (E=mc2)

seven-year-old boy receives a letter of intent from a Division I powerhouse when his T-ball team wins the state championship. The offer is of course contingent on his successful completion of elementary and secondary school.

The first college fills their entire class through Early Decision.

The average cost of attendance at colleges and universities exceeds $100,000 a year, but tuition discounting averages 99% and therefore it only costs $1,000 to go to college.

Due to a printing error with U.S. News and World Report’s “Best Colleges” rankings, the top 10 schools in the country are listed last and therefore no one applies.

The first college builds a “Parent Village” with on-campus housing so “invested parents” can help “manage” their child’s college experience.

The Department of Justice bans the admission field from holding any professional conferences due to the potential for collusion.

Faced with the realities of a standardized test-optional future, testing companies join forces to start a DNA (Definitely Need to Admit) testing program called “legacyadmission.com.” Needless to say, it is met with skepticism

Confusion erupts after colleges and universities sign an exclusive contract with Amazon to deliver admission decisions and notifications are stolen off doorsteps everywhere.

All college tours are conducted on those annoying electric scooters

High schools develop new grading scales that average the grade a student earns with the grade their parents think they deserve.

College athletes, now permitted by NCAA to receive endorsement deals, sue admission offices for using their likeness in marketing materials.

A college finally reports that it has been their most selective year ever due to a 100% increase in applications.

Newly elected U.S. president, a former admission dean, declares a national education emergency and reverses the state and federal trend of divesting in higher education. She immediately directs funding toward student debt relief, free college and student success initiatives to increase four-year graduation rates.

At last, acknowledging that “the pen is mightier than the sword,” federal funding for education is greater than military spending in an effort to outsmart our adversaries rather than out-gun them.

Thanks to technological advances, colleges send out admission decisions via interactive holograms with messages of congratulations from the dean of admission.

Thanks to hacked holograms, the following year colleges abandon technology, finding is safer to deliver acceptances via carrier pigeons.

Brennan Barnard
Director of College Counseling & Outreach, The Derryfield School
for www.forbes.com
Back
No comments have been posted

The Derryfield School

2108 River Road, Manchester, NH 03104     p: 603.669.4524     f: 603.625.9715